


fine art of mania

by trouserhouser



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, Pain, Toxic Relationship, ignoring the problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trouserhouser/pseuds/trouserhouser
Summary: “You either catch a black eye or a hickey. It is up to you.”The first thing he dislikes about Nico is how he cannot convince him of his point of view. How stubborn and scary he is in an argument, how he would never listen to him nor have a say.The second thing he dislikes about Nico is his habit to hurt him – mentally and physically.
Relationships: Nico Hulkenberg/Kevin Magnussen
Kudos: 14





	fine art of mania

**Author's Note:**

> This may get a second part!

Kevin likes metaphors. He loves to describe things through decorated word pictures, because life is uneasy since he met _him._ His significant other (or soulmate as he likes to think) is restless and short-tempered. Not that Kevin is complaining, he really adores the blonde tall build man, but his gut feeling tells him otherwise. Something is simply wrong with their relationship.

The first time he noticed that his surroundings had other kind of standards and values for a functioning partnership was four months ago. Kevin and Nico had dated two months already, when they attended a friend’s birthday party. Nico was still not comfortable with many of Kevin’s friends, he literally had to drag him to it and handle out a deal, but the Dane didn’t worry about the atmosphere between his boyfriend and his acquaintance circle – at least not yet. The party was already one hour on when they arrived. His long-time friend pulled him aside to hand him a newly created cocktail mixture. Kevin took a few sips from the high percentage alcohol and greeted the others. Maybe it wasn’t right to let Nico on his own, but he was old enough and could integrate well. False. The party ended with Nico pushing an exaggerated scenario on Kevin drinking alcohol. The latter was embarrassed that the party was cancelled because of him. His friends on the other hand, accused Nico.

“He completely lost control over himself!”

“Does he have anger issues?”

“You are with someone like that?”

Yeah. Kevin got many things thrown at his head, but didn’t his friends realize that he was the problem? He knew that Nico disliked him drinking alcohol at parties, and he did it either way. It was his own fault not Nico’s, he insisted. However, his friends disagreed.

“Mate, he shattered my whole schnapps collection!”

“And I am sorry for that!” Kevin’s patience left him slowly but surely. He couldn’t understand why all his friends turned against Nico when in reality, HE caused this mess. “You can just say that you don’t like my boyfriend but blaming him is below the level!” The Dane had the urge to protect his boyfriend. He provoked him and paid for his guilt.

The next few parties were held without them. His friends would ask kindly, but Kevin denied their offer.

...

Nico is always hot-tempered. Kevin didn’t perceive Nico’s behaviour at the party as inappropriate back then, because he didn’t know better. Nowadays he sees things differently. The smashing of the schnapps bottles was maybe too much but some people do worse things, right?

Nico apologizes. He does it every time. The guilt seems to sit so deep in his bones, that he wants to get rid of it.

That is why they are, where they are. Kevin reaches for the next best metaphor and thinks of a vicious circle. Repeating, repeating, repeating. Nico is like a nice sweater, the most handsome you could imagine, but it itches like hell. Wearing it is a challenge. Not drowning in this relationship is also a challenge.

...

Both getting comfortable on the couch, Kevin sprawled all over Nico. The German combs his fingers through Kevin’s hair, who just closes his eyes and relaxes for a bit. He doesn’t want to think about his fake friends, their oversensitive minds and the blame. After a few minutes, Kevin snickers and buries his head into Nico’s lap. The latter breaks the silence.

“You are mine. Don’t forget that. You promised.” Kevin nods light-headed, almost drifting off into sleep. “Hey!” Nico grabs his upper arm and shakes briefly. The Dane opens his eyes, slightly annoyed, but he wants to reassure Nico that he keeps his promise and hasn’t forgotten about their deal.

“I am all yours.” Kevin starts to rethink their conversation and tries to remember, how many times this sentence is spoken to him. He can not come up with a different reason than Nico being afraid of loss. He doesn’t want to see Nico sad, unhappy and concerned. He can also see it right now, Nico frowns and his face shows this damn worry line right over his left eye. Kevin kisses it away, but his face doesn’t relax.

“You do know that I looked over your phone. If I am all yours, then why did you answer this blue-flower-boy on instagram?” _Blue-flower-boy_? Kevin has no clue, what Nico is talking about. “Don’t act silly.”

“I really don’t know, what you mean, Nico.” He straightens himself up and watches his boyfriend with a serious expression.

“Or should I better name him ‘Josh’? Got ya’? I have been fair to you so far, haven’t I?” Nico’s voice rises and thunders through Kevin’s marrow and bones. He tenses his fists.

“Show me the chat. I am in the dark.” Nico’s face lightens and his worry line disappears. He replaces it with an awful grin.

“So, you did chat with him, hm? Was it fun? Were you planning your second fuckdate?” _Oh no._ Kevin foresees the whole discussion, _again_.

“No, no, no. I didn’t-.“ Nico gets up and builds up in front of him. “You either catch a black eye or a hickey. It is up to you.” Kevin nibbles on his lower lip. The light, that comes from the lamp behind Nico, doesn’t reach Kevin’s face anymore. He gets overshadowed by him. There is no way out of this situation for the Dane.

...

_The first thing he dislikes about Nico is how he cannot convince him of his point of view. How stubborn and scary he is in an argument, how he would never listen to him nor have a say._

Kevin inspects his sprained wrist. It aches, throbs and turns blue within seconds. Kevin glares at Nico in disbelief. He didn’t expect this to happen _again_.

“You are the one who made this ugly. Go on, hit me back. Slap me, beat me. But this is your fault, you made me do this!”, he threatens. Kevin surpasses the urge to cry. His eyes tear up, but there isn’t a single tear running down his cheek. He wouldn’t show weakness now. The more he adds to the drama, the longer Nico needs to calm down.

_The second thing he dislikes about Nico is his habit to hurt him – mentally and physically._

Kevin reaches for the next best metaphor and thinks of a cold bowl of soup. Right now, their relationship reminds him of the disgusting taste of broth left for three days. Little bits of vegetables swimming on the surface and every time you have to swallow them you nearly vomit. Kevin is also near throwing up. Not because of his detailed thought of disgust but blood streaming out of his wound. Kevin gets weak by the look of it, like every time he is confronted with the thick red liquid.

...

As it hits one o’clock, they turn off the light in their bedroom. Nico talked as little as necessary during the evening. Kevin doesn’t blame him. He knows that his boyfriend is a heavily jealous person, but he responded to that guy on instagram either way. He had the choice to avoid this situation and didn’t do it. If he had been Nico, he would have been angry too. The Dane gets haunted by his thoughts, they wouldn’t let him sleep nor would they leave him alone. Kevin has feelings of guilt, he wasn’t careful with Nico’s feelings and kicked them with his feet as reacted to that guy’s message. He even lets Nico feel bad about acting possessive over him. Shame struck Kevin. How could he be such a bad boyfriend?

It is 3am on his alarm clock when he hears Nico mumbling next to him. The German had an arm around Kevin’s torso but now he takes it back and stretches out.

“It’s that late, but it feels so early.” Kevin sighs quietly.

“Let’s get you some sleeping pills.” Nico rummages in his bedside drawer, then he hands the packaging over. “Take two.” Kevin sighs again.

Drowsy, Kevin wiggles around in bed but he encounters resistance. He opens his eyes and glances at Nico’s arm wrapped around his upper body. The gesture only shows him how much Nico is afraid of losing him. Suddenly a throbbing pain shakes through him and he stares at his wrist, which was bandaged yesterday. Nico insisted that he should wrap something around, so he doesn’t faint from seeing blood.

“That should not have happened. I swear.” Nico’s morning voice sounds deep and throaty. Kevin gets goose bumps every time he listens to it. He releases him out of his grip and turns him around. Nico takes his hand and places a featherly kiss on his palm. Kevin melts under his touch. “I know that you are mad at me, but will a kiss change your mind?” Kevin looks in his soaking blue eyes. He isn’t mad at Nico, could never be. “You are so damn beautiful. I can not believe you are all fucking mine.”

Nico pecks the tip of Kevin’s nose first, then he leans in for a proper kiss. Nico’s lips feel softly on Kevin’s, their breathing going in sync.

Kevin reaches for the next best metaphor and the feeling of a long-awaited sunny day comes to his mind. Sunbeams caressing his skin, the warmth which surrounded him, the scent of roses and strawberries.

Nico is the fine art of mania.


End file.
